Robbo 10: W**kin Frankel - Click On My Face To Listen!

Tuesday, 4 March 2014

Yes Butt No Butt

It's amazing what passes for a head butt these days. Time was a man would have to sway his head back like a malicious woodpecker before splaying a rival's nose across the middle of his face in an instant homage to Steve Bruce.

What Alan Pardew mustered was nothing more than the playful nudge of a hungry moggy on a trouser leg. And yet everywhere I read about a head butt. Ludicrously the Hull sub Meyler has been praised for 'not going down', as if the brush of a 52-year-old geezer's brow constitutes actual bodily harm. To be fair had the victim been called Luis he'd still be on the ground today, writhing back and forth like a child being tossed around in a hammock.

None of which is to excuse Pardew for his behaviour. It was pretty pathetic and petulant stuff and he does have previous. Calling Pellegrini a 'fucking old cunt' isn't exactly the work of a high-minded football philosopher. He's pushed linesmen about and riled Monsieur Wenger too. Slapping a fine on him is justified.

What's harder to get your head around is the moral outrage expressed by the likes of Robbie Savage, a man so steeped in cynicism it's like hearing Rebekah Wade moaning that she had her phone tapped. I hate to point to the bigger picture but can we not save a bit of our indignation for ooh I dunno the occupation of a European state by its neighbours. Hang on though, you can say what you like about Vladimir Putin but at least he doesn't go around caressing people with his forelocks.

Pardew is a knob, yes, but this is the worst case of hype since Eden Hazard 'kicked' a ball boy - and the only problem there was that he didn't kick the little twot harder.

I guess the geezer of Gateshead will be given a touchline ban too, if not a stadium ban, so we can be spared the sight of the feckless twerp grabbing a spectator by the lapels or God forbid shaking hands too vigorously with the opposition manager. He won't be missed.

Meanwhile we've had more opprobrium from Sol Campbell who is in danger of turning into the Ali G of English football. Let's not pretend that there isn't racism in footy - that would be stupid - but it is also a little sad that one of the best English centre-halves of the last 20 years has been left feeling victimised after his 70-odd caps.

To say he would have been England skipper for 10 years if he wasn't black is a bit dull, I reckon. Race could hardly be said to hinder the career of the modern English footballer and if there is any truth in Campbell's claim he could acknowledge that by and large English football is over that problem when it comes to players. Not when it comes to coaches, which is much more pressing a problem right now.

In the Capital One Cup Sunderland were undone by utter brilliance and even I felt a little sad for Poyet and his men. Both holding midfielders had very good games but if you had to guess which one would turn the game on its head you wouldn't plump for Lee Cattermole. Mind you he did well, did Lee. He stayed on the pitch and everything.

But at the end of the day it's a plucky defeat for the Black Cats. And sometimes, against a team so well endowed it is the Sofia Vergara of British football, that's the best you can hope for.

Meanwhile the Premier League is taking shape at both ends of the table. Arsenal had their usual away day at Stoke, rolling over and hoping not to be hurt. Cardiff and Fulham are looking increasingly doomed. But no one is safe. Norwich and Hull followed up good wins with heavy defeats, like men jumping out of the way of an oncoming train and find themselves falling down an embankment.

All issues will go down to the wire. And that's how we like it.

111 comments:

  1. First for the first time.
    Its taken about 5 years, one thing off my bucket list.

    ReplyDelete
  2. good stuff Robbo. True enough it wasn't a Kirby Kiss from Yozzer but worra dick 'ed. Funny though. Could be Ashley's way out of that ridiculous contract and what a pity Joe Kinnear isn't there to take over, hold on a minute......

    ReplyDelete
  3. Replies
    1. she's a non-footballing slightly less hot version of pamela david, jacks

      Delete
  4. Second, for once, usually I'm lucky to see the blog the same day! Once again Robbo hits the nail on the head. Next week Joey Barton tells everyone that the England selectors have ignored him because he didn't go to Eton.

    Spider

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  5. Google to the rescue.

    She's a big girl.

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  6. Nasri said that twinkle-toed Hulk Yaya Toure would be world footballer of the year every year if he wasn't black.it starts to get embarrassing - didnt busquets keep him out of the team at barca? anyway they sold him.

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  7. way hotter than Pamela David and a damn fine actress!

    https://www.google.com/search?q=sofia+vergara&espv=210&es_sm=93&tbm=isch&imgil=06L9h78vj3YffM%253A%253Bhttps%253A%252F%252Fencrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com%252Fimages%253Fq%253Dtbn%253AANd9GcR1CA9trV7vnuNi6gVMZog6Zhlk8P5QgZ78OqXwHQo2ua7LueZD0g%253B1050%253B1500%253Bl6Y2KSWKO9u-3M%253Bhttp%25253A%25252F%25252Fcollider.com%25252Fsofia-vergara-escape-from-planet-earth-machete-kills-interview%25252F&source=iu&usg=__wYPt3Gcj7aDixyobijf38R6NCh0%3D&sa=X&ei=uAYWU9_SBcnH0wGIloDABA&ved=0CKoBEP4dMBA&biw=1280&bih=899#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=20bwaByM6eTfRM%253A%3BFNw-KD1ZdhpgtM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fcelebnwall.com%252Fwp-content%252Fuploads%252F2013%252F12%252Fsofia-vergara.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fcelebnwall.com%252Fsofia-vergara-canceled-wedding%252Fsofia-vergara%252F%3B1920%3B1080

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  8. No way pal I'm just n not having it, pamela David makes Sofia vagina look like Nora batty after a nasty chip pan incident

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    Replies
    1. Disagree - Vergara makes Pamela David look like Craig David - BOSELECTA! (that was for Robbo)

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    2. well said Scott. She makes Pamela David look like Edgar Davids

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    3. Only one way to settle this......

      FIGHT

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    4. Absolutely, H2H. "The Bible gave us David v Goliath - now it's time for David v Vergara!" Competition: Nude Greco-Roman Wrestling. In Olive Oil. Venue: My Place. Time: Immediately. My pick for winner: well,me, obviously.

      Delete
  9. Nice one RR.

    Pardieux was out of order, but it was more of a forehead shove then an actual Glasweigen kiss. He may have more Frenchies in his ranks then the army that used to guard the Bastille, but Zinedine Zidane he is not.

    As for Savage, I'm not really sure what he brings to the table (or couch, whatever) he never really won anything, played in no finals of note, domestic or International, is not tactically astute, nor does he offer any real insight. He doesn't come over as particularly smart either, plus he has the tendency to flip flop more then a stranded salmon on a river bank. He may of had a certain charm when he forst started out as he was fresh off the pitch and willing to go against the grain and say things that others wouldn;t and wasn't afraid to criticize, but now he's settled in and seems to be content just to fit he's become as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.....

    still way better then michael owen though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Savage gets a look in cos he's "controversial"* H. To be fair a wet lettuce is better than Michael Owen, though you'd be hard pressed to tell the difference.

      * Savage is not controversial.


      Jedi

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    2. It's the gold locks! Ladies love 'em

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  10. Russia;

    https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/t1/1926928_380756138729438_1876154019_n.jpg

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  11. It's about time someone mentioned the fact that Pardew's headbut wouldn't have knocked the skin off a rice pudding, and up in the far reaches of the north, or outside the wall as we like to call it, something like that is considered an act of affection specially from the lasses or even a parent. NO one has mentioned that Vertonghen went down like someone shot with a snipers rifle when the Dnipro nut case decided to tap him on the side of the head with little more pressure than Pardew's nod. A definite dance partner for Suarez.

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  12. Well said as usual, Robbo. Though Putin would caress opponents with his forelocks if he had any. And I think Sol Campbell has a point, buried in there somewhere. He probably would have captained England more often and in more meaningful matches if he was white, though ten years is a bit much. 70 caps is great, but he probably would have been allowed to rise higher with a lighter skin color.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolute bollox.

      Campbell wasn't captain at his club (Arsenal) either, or is that because he was darker then Tony adams and Patrick Vieria?

      Delete
    2. Completely agree with H. He wasn't club captain at Arsenal, and it's not as if he was overlooked by England for people like Andy Hinchcliffe (remember him?) or Steve McManaman. He played for England during the captaincy's of Adams, Shearer and then Beckham.

      Plus, he was obviously a dodgy moral character. Why else would he leave Spurs for Arsenal, for free? ;)

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    3. I'm not arguing that he would have captained England sixty times. I'm not even arguing he is or even was a good leader. But how many (long-term) black captains have you had? Is it because they can't lead or because they aren't allowed an opportunity to lead?

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    4. Bull. You can't have a captain who goes home crying at half time. Campbell's got a book to sell, so he's talking utter sh1te.


      Jedi

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  13. Cracking blog Robbo. But if ever there was a time to start including pictures in your blogs again, than the Sophia Vergara reference surely was it?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Robbo, put a picture of Sofia Viagra on your blog and make 99.9% of us happy. A picture of the Special One will cover the missing 0.1%

      Spider

      Delete
  14. I'm glad Sophia Vergara was mentioned in the comments, when perusing the blog I read that as Soft Viagra and wondered what the fuck that had to do withe the price of eggs. Funny how the mind works, well my mind anyway.

    After a bit of googling I come out slightly on Trots side when comparing the charms of Pamela David and Sophia Veraga, in either case Viagra would not be necessary (although it wouldn't go amiss either.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't want any of you fuckers on my side, me and Sophia will be fine without you.

      Delete
  15. Russell Slade "The last part is that belief and wanting to get where we want to get to. Do we want to be playing X, Y and Z [in League One] or A, B and C [in the Championship]?', it's not difficult to see why the O's are flying high this season.

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    Replies
    1. Are they playing with a Playstation joystick"

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    2. Probably playing with something similar whist looking at pictures of Sofia Viagra on the internet.

      Spider

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  16. Nice work, RR - Pardew would have caused more damage to the lad if he'd inadvertently sneezed in close proximity to Meylar's bonce. I wonder what image he and Savage hold for themselves? Calls to mind the line from Bull Durham: "The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness."

    For me, Pardew is that guy who acts first, thinks second. In the moment, he's Dirty Harry, but when he realizes he's completely messed up, he's...Dirty...um, someone who isn't tough at all...Harry...er... Sorry, didn't think before I typed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bull Durham, eh? I grew up going to Durham Bulls games.

      Delete
  17. Less respected than a Sol Campbell captaincy.

    MLS Fantasy Football/Soccer
    http://fantasy.mlssoccer.com

    Private Classic: 8935-1592
    Private H2H: 8935-1593

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  18. Good blog ... now off to google 'Sofia Vergara'

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  19. Lets introduce some numbers and perhaps some sanity to this debate. 25% of English league players are black butt only 8% are in positions of responsibility.

    This puts beyond doubt that Pamela had bigger tits than Sophia.

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    Replies
    1. Your logic is faultless Blog, and the stats tend to prove your point.. Pamela 36D, Sophia 32F... fuck, I need to get a life

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    2. But Pamela is Argentine. But on the other hand, Sophia's voice makes me want to stab my eardrums. Not that she needs to speak of course.

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    3. Blogs, what do you have against black butts?

      Delete
  20. Oscar pistorious is claiming he screams like a girl who greeks her life is in danger when he's stressed. And when he coughs it sometimes sounds like gunfire.

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    Replies
    1. ahh, that explains everything!

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    2. If that's his defence then he hasn't got a leg to stand on.

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    3. He's not half the man he used to be

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    4. That's a rather lame defence.

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    5. his song for prison Karaoke nights….

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRdkjFtod_g

      Delete
    6. The prosecution should be able to cut that defence off at the knees fairly easily, I would guess.

      Oh, and Trotts - thanks for the earworm. To think I've lived 4 1/2 decades without experiencing that 70's soft rock gem...if I had a Scud missle, I'd be sending it your way right about now...

      But I suppose it's my fault - basic internet security 'n' all - don't follow links you're unsure of, as they could be dangerous. You've taught me a valuable lesson today.

      Delete
    7. If you're a high bidder type, pick your Scud here:

      http://www.bbc.com/autos/story/20140228-your-own-private-arsenal

      Totts, you're safe. It's probably been 'de-militarized'.

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    8. that'd make a nice planter.

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    9. I always wanted to co-author a book with Alan Titchmarsh on gardening with vintage military.

      Delete
  21. As the Aussies hammer the number 1 ranked South Africans on their own pitches, suddenly losing the Ashes 5-0 doesn't look so bad eh?

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    Replies
    1. Brazil just beat SA 5-0 as well!

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    2. Wouldn't use the word "hammer".
      Saffas seemed a bit below par

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  22. Tonight was the first England match I have watched since the Euro's. As a team we didn't perform brilliantly (what's new) but for the first time in many years I felt optimistic. For once there seems to be genuine competition for a number of positions unlike in the past where the first team virtually picked itself and the rest of the squad called on only in the case of injury. Woy has brought into the squad a talented group of young players who actually deserve to be there (not convinced about Henderson and Smalling though.).The biggest concern is the defence. The centre backs and right back are real problem areas and it wouldn't surprise me if Cole played his last international game.

    Just thought I'd share that with you.

    SAVE DAVE

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    Replies
    1. World Cup is in the bag, Bo! Centre back is a problem. Probably go with Cahill and Jagielka if fit. Walker is probably the best rightback at the moment, which is a bit of a worry. Lallana should start, maybe in place of Henderson. No expectation though. I'm predicting a meek group stage exit after a couple of 1-0's and 1-1's.

      Delete
    2. Smalling is shite Bo, you're right, he's had 2+ years to improve at ManU and hasn't. The problem is that Woy sold him to Fergie for 10 million and told Fergie the lad would be a regular for England. If anybody else was Manager he wouldn't be in the squad. He's slow and Pamela David's tits have better balance.

      Delete
    3. and you're right too Noel. World Cup victory is assured.

      Delete
  23. Why wasn't Sol Campbell captain last night?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He would have been had he come on in the second half

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  24. This is definitely the wrong way to impress your girlfriend.

    http://www.myfoxdc.com/story/24895156/md-officer-charged-with-killing-girlfriends-puppy#ixzz2v7yqdgxc

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  25. Was anyone else surprised to find out that Denmark had a striker called Sloth that wasn't Bendtner?

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  26. Hmm... perhaps not what was intended by "break a leg"...

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/26464186

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  27. And I thought the English and Aussies took cricket a bit too seriously...

    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-26463140

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  28. Wilshere out for the season, or atleast most of what's left... Arsenal has had some real shitty luck this season, three of the most direct players out of action. The slide down the table makes sense somehow. Don't think any of the top four could cope with something like this either, despite the hansen-so-called strength in depth. (Still no excuse for not signing Suarez in the summer or any other striker)

    --BeeZee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not condoning Agger's tackle which was perilous, but Wilshere is made of the same brand of breakable glass as michael owen and has got to change the way he plays. He's neither tough nor durable enough to play the midfield enforcer role he seems to want to play.

      Delete
    2. It was pretty much a 50/50 ball, Agger had evert right to go for it.

      Wilshere clearly looked hurt, he was taken off for a bit of treatment as youwould expect. What i can't understand is why he was allowed to continue.

      This was a meaningless game in whichRoy wasn't going to learn anything new about him. By staying on the field he probably made the injury worse.

      I'm not entirely laying the blame at nglands staff's doorstep, because Jack Wilshere has a history of playing through slight injuries without informing the doctors pyshios etc, it has meant he has been sidelined for much longer periods then necassary. You would think that he would of learned his lesson after being out for a year, sadly he hasn't.

      Delete
  29. Michael Owen. Definitely not boring.

    http://www.thefootballramble.com/latest/entry/michael-owen-the-lonliness-of-the-long-distance-runner

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  30. In other news, "Birmingham City owner Carson Yeung has been jailed for six years by a Hong Kong court for money laundering. On Monday, the 54-year-old was convicted of five charges relating to HK$720m (£55m) passing through his bank accounts between 2001 and 2007".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup. Good to see the Premier League's "fit and proper" test working as well as ever.


      Jedi

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    2. Never good Jedi to be talking to Your Cock! lonely mate?

      Delete
    3. Makes a change from talking Cock.

      Yup


      Jedi

      Delete
  31. I assume the gentleman above has been waiting a long time to get that gag in.

    Big game today is Ipswich away at The Boro.

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    Replies
    1. You maybe right there H2 but the big game on Tuesday is Port Vale v the mighty O's.

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    2. My apologies Jack, not sure why I put H2 there.

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    3. Haha, that was my thought to Jacks.

      Hoping Spurs can keep it respectable against the Chavs today. Conceding less than 5 will be a good result.

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    4. are you saying that Your Cock has been longing for an opportunity for a gag evoking insertion?

      Delete
    5. Couldn't choke it down any longer. At least he wasn't a dick about it, though.

      Delete
    6. Jacks, I hope you haven't done anything you might regret - conceding 2 at 'Boro is one thing but that they're scored by DANNY GRAHAM who hasn't scored in yonks - Robbo must be pinching himself in disbelief.

      Noel, I hope you had a bet on Chavs to win by less than 5! Spurs were good until the first goal then it went all Sofia Viagra (Penalty iffy but Spurs went all Santa Claus and gift-wrapped the goals to the Chavs). Still, Bells will be pleased.

      Delete
    7. I'm just pleased to still be in with a shout of the play off places,having spent the last 4 seasons putting up with relegation battles,Paul Jewell and R*y K***e.

      Delete
  32. My England team

    4-2-3-1
    Sturridge
    Sterling, Rooney, Chamberlain
    Gerrard, Lalana
    Baines, Cahill, Jagielka, Johnson

    Barkley and Shaw should be spared this one, as the inevitable failure won't help them in future. When any of the above, except full backs, get injured we're fucked.

    Which means, of course, we're fucked.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. on paper that team would worry the old me, Johnson is shit at the best of times, Sterling and Chamberlain are hot and cold and often lost but that's the old me, the new me doesn't care because we're gonna win whoever is in the team because we have the best shrink!

      And if by some crazy conflagration of seismic events we don't win it, the shrink will carry the can.

      Delete
    2. You've got an angel in therapy sitting on one shoulder wrapped in the stars and stripes, trots.

      Good to see you haven't completely lost touch with the grouchy misanthropist realist northern English imp sitting in the other shoulder though

      Delete
  33. Here's one for the old trotter....

    How football lost touch with its fans...

    http://gu.com/p/3nace

    ReplyDelete
  34. brilliant article that, thanks Blog. Totally explains that "it used to be better" feeling. Guess what, it was! Some of my earliest memories are at Burnden park with my Dad, a brother or a pal or kicking a ball around all fuckin' day (every day). Football memories woven through the stories of our lives. Kids today eh, never even been tackled in a pile of dog shit some of 'em!

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  35. For me, standing at the bycars end with my mates trying to work out the chants and getting in trouble for always kicking the shit out of my school shoes. 10000 hours of practice didn't make any of us footballing geniuses so blow that out of your arse Malcolm Gladwell.

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  36. Getting in trouble for forever kicking the shit out of my *right* school shoe. The left was always pristine.

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  37. with perennially complacent man city 2 down it does l look like arsenal might actually win something this year

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. a Sheffield v Wigan final would be nice.

      Delete
  38. we were lucky, Grandad was a glazier.

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  39. Well, Gunners, this looks like its going to be the year. As for Pellegrini's quadruple, well the capitol one cup is almost as good as the quadruple I guess.

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  40. I'm not counting my chickens, etc.

    Top result and performance from Wigan though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So, replies to Your Cock then H2. Must be going up in the world (no "stiff" jokes please!).

      It was a great job by Wigan. No Gooner should be counting chickens yet, though. A quick explanation why not would include the words Birmingham and City.


      Jedi

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    2. I saw us lose "nailed on cups" in the flesh at Wembley to Ipswich, down Jacks, and Wet Spam.


      On the bright side I was there when we beat Man U and L'pool (League Cup).

      Delete
    3. Might not want to nail on anything to Your Cock.

      Delete
  41. Real Madrid midfielder Asier Illarramendi, 24, has apologised for running in front of a bull dressed as Batman during a carnival in Azpeitia.
    Full story: Marca

    Why was a bull dressed as Batman?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Should he have stood up to it? It's a bully, after all...but you could hardly criticise him for running from a critter that tips the scales at a half-ton or better.

      Delete
    2. He couldn't fit his bollocks in the catwoman costume.

      Delete
  42. Scored 58 FFL points with 7 players.I suppose it helps when your centre half scores twice.

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  43. A manager (Rosler) credits another manager (Martinez) for his winning tactics? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here!

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/26509144

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's new around these parts. He'll learn soon.

      Delete
  44. Tim Sherwood admits his future as Tottenham manager is in doubt following his side's 4-0 thrashing at Chelsea. Ex-Swansea boss Michael Laudrup, 49, and Dutchman Louis van Gaal, 62, could replace him.
    Full story: Daily Express

    What? Both of them?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, we need all the help we can get.

      Delete
  45. All it took was one slip of ver tongen and everything changed! Shame.

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  46. Here's a man who will never make it in the Premier League.

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/26521283

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  47. New blog up H. It's about Arsenal an' all.

    ReplyDelete