It's amazing what passes for a head butt these days. Time was a man would have to sway his head back like a malicious woodpecker before splaying a rival's nose across the middle of his face in an instant homage to Steve Bruce.
What Alan Pardew mustered was nothing more than the playful nudge of a hungry moggy on a trouser leg. And yet everywhere I read about a head butt. Ludicrously the Hull sub Meyler has been praised for 'not going down', as if the brush of a 52-year-old geezer's brow constitutes actual bodily harm. To be fair had the victim been called Luis he'd still be on the ground today, writhing back and forth like a child being tossed around in a hammock.
None of which is to excuse Pardew for his behaviour. It was pretty pathetic and petulant stuff and he does have previous. Calling Pellegrini a 'fucking old cunt' isn't exactly the work of a high-minded football philosopher. He's pushed linesmen about and riled Monsieur Wenger too. Slapping a fine on him is justified.
What's harder to get your head around is the moral outrage expressed by the likes of Robbie Savage, a man so steeped in cynicism it's like hearing Rebekah Wade moaning that she had her phone tapped. I hate to point to the bigger picture but can we not save a bit of our indignation for ooh I dunno the occupation of a European state by its neighbours. Hang on though, you can say what you like about Vladimir Putin but at least he doesn't go around caressing people with his forelocks.
Pardew is a knob, yes, but this is the worst case of hype since Eden Hazard 'kicked' a ball boy - and the only problem there was that he didn't kick the little twot harder.
I guess the geezer of Gateshead will be given a touchline ban too, if not a stadium ban, so we can be spared the sight of the feckless twerp grabbing a spectator by the lapels or God forbid shaking hands too vigorously with the opposition manager. He won't be missed.
Meanwhile we've had more opprobrium from Sol Campbell who is in danger of turning into the Ali G of English football. Let's not pretend that there isn't racism in footy - that would be stupid - but it is also a little sad that one of the best English centre-halves of the last 20 years has been left feeling victimised after his 70-odd caps.
To say he would have been England skipper for 10 years if he wasn't black is a bit dull, I reckon. Race could hardly be said to hinder the career of the modern English footballer and if there is any truth in Campbell's claim he could acknowledge that by and large English football is over that problem when it comes to players. Not when it comes to coaches, which is much more pressing a problem right now.
In the Capital One Cup Sunderland were undone by utter brilliance and even I felt a little sad for Poyet and his men. Both holding midfielders had very good games but if you had to guess which one would turn the game on its head you wouldn't plump for Lee Cattermole. Mind you he did well, did Lee. He stayed on the pitch and everything.
But at the end of the day it's a plucky defeat for the Black Cats. And sometimes, against a team so well endowed it is the Sofia Vergara of British football, that's the best you can hope for.
Meanwhile the Premier League is taking shape at both ends of the table. Arsenal had their usual away day at Stoke, rolling over and hoping not to be hurt. Cardiff and Fulham are looking increasingly doomed. But no one is safe. Norwich and Hull followed up good wins with heavy defeats, like men jumping out of the way of an oncoming train and find themselves falling down an embankment.
All issues will go down to the wire. And that's how we like it.