Robbo 10: W**kin Frankel - Click On My Face To Listen!

Saturday, 1 February 2014

Close That Bloody Window

There are some lovely windows in the world. The one at York Minster takes a bit of beating. And our neighbours' new French windows - their fenetres as I like to call them - are right canny and you can say what you like about UVPC but it's bloody practical and doesn't rattle like comedy teeth in the slightest breeze. Windows can be unattractive and functional, as Bill Gates would testify.

Then there's that other somewhat unattractive opening: not Miley's gob, no. I mean the transfer window. The simple imposition of a period in time when players can be bought and sold has turned from a novel diversion into an entire fucking industry.

Even the BBC had a 'transfer deadline day' special. I'm sure Sky have been doing this for years but they are the originators of the three-numpties-on-a-couch-talking-about-nowt format. I hear Richard Keys and Andy Gray are about to relaunch their careers from the top of a bit of scaffolding on a 1980's building site. Every time I see Keys bellyaching on the box like some discarded silverback I just think he's lucky that anyone put up with that crap for as long as they did. 

Any road, on the Beeb, Dan Walker was yapping away at the excitement of it all like a bright-eyed collie when, in actual fact, the day was about as thrilling as a bucket of overboiled broccoli. It's a true sign of our times that one of the most significant developments in our media is the unending capacity of sports people to talk about absolutely fuck-all forever.

There must be someone making a packet out of running former pros through the cliche mill. I'm fed up to the back teeth of the phrase 'game-changer'. If only it were accurate. "We're six-nil down, lads" said the game-changer "but let's see how good this Man City team is at... Cluedo!" (Actually I'd love that. Samir Nasri as Miss Scarlett? Has to be.) 

At the end of January 31st - the broadcasting equivalent of a bagpipe being droned for an entire day, what do we have to fill today's bar-room banter with?

That Kim Kallstrom eh? Just what Wenger was looking for. That midfield of his was lacking quality wasn't it, eh? Chelsea have signed a dance-fitness exercise class from France for £12 million. Owt else? Not really.

Konoplayanka - can't be bothered to check the spelling - decided not to join Brendan Rogers' purring preening reds. Draxler stayed in Schalke (which sounds like an announcement regarding the car industry). Cattermole stayed with Sunderland rather than joining Charlie Adam and Glenn Whelan at Stoke in what many were dubbing a Midfield From Hades: more ankle-biting than a mosquito's stag-party.

I suppose the main talking point will surround Fulham, where Berbatov has departed for Monaco. That's got to suit the lazy old genius hasn't it? Tax-free lolling about with the occasional bit of work to do. He's been replaced by a Greek centre-forward called Mitrologou who looks for all the world as if he's spent four weeks being crimped and primped by a Selfridges beautician. He's like a footballing Rylan.

Now whether this bloke, along with the workaday Holtby, can turn around Fulham's season is debatable. What will help is the despatch of Senderos to foreign fields. I honestly don't think I've seen a worse central defender in the Premier League. Unless you include them other lunks that Wenger lumbered on to the pitch a while back - Stepanovs, Luzhny... oh and there's always Titus Bramble - Jesus Navas, how DO these blokes keep getting employed? Why do managers buy them?

I mean if I'd watch a window-cleaner cave his mop and bucket through the veluxes on my next-door neighbours I'd hardly be invited the bloke over to my gaff to squeegie my glass clean.

Any road, Senderos has left the opposite of a gaping hole in the Fulham rearguard and that might just help Meulessen paper over the odd crack.

In the real quality division of British football, the Championship, some desperate clubs have hired in goalscorers who have long since forgotten how to do their job. The greatest sufferer of Heskeyitis is one Danny Graham, and where's he gone? Yep. To the Boro. There are times when I despair. Let's hope that somewhere along the road to Marske the scales fall from his eyes and he remembers how to find the back of the net. The way he's been playing I doubt he'll even find the Riverside Stadium.

So there's sort of quite a lot to talk about, if you really could give a fig that Wilfred Zaha is going to playing for Cardiff for a bit which makes you wonder why the silly sod left Palace cos he'd probably be happier there.

But this transfer window should really be scrapped. It's such a bloody freak-show cum cattle-market nowadays that I've forgotten why it was introduced in the first place. It inflates prices, it makes clubs rush through ridiculous deals, and only those with oodles of disposable income ever benefit. And they're the ones in charge in the first place.

But worst of all it just creates employment for the next wave of recently retired pundits who have stepped down of the production line and monotone muppetry that passes for analysis these days. The only problem with all of it is that with every passing syllable, Robbie Savage becomes more interesting. It's all relative, but the likes of Michael Owen make numpites like Robbie Savage eminently listenable to, in the same way that UKIP make George Osborne appear kind.

The only reason to keep the window open at all is so we can get a through-draught to waft out the stench of all the horseshit we've listened to for the last 24 hours.






104 comments:

  1. And couldn't agree more, what a bunch of mindless waffle all day!
    Glad to see mata is helping at u*d!!
    Bisq

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    1. You forgot it, so I'll add it...SAVE DAVE!

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  2. good stuff Robbo. They're only on cause the populus watches the shit. The Superbowl this weekend and for 2 weeks every fucker that ever walked within a mile of a stadium is given TV time and asked for an opinion and a prediction. Mind numbing stuff.

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    1. Yea-haw, Stupor Bowl Sunday! If you don't watch the big show for the 'sport', you can watch the big show for the advertisements, or just drink the pain away.

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    2. Gods yes, the microanalysis of sport in the US defies belief. Can't count the number of channels devoted to the same stuff. Then you've got the networks owned by the leagues themselves, and 'regular' networks offering 'coverage.' The NFL Draft is probably the equivalent event to the transfer window - pundits at the draft, outside every team's headquarters, etc. Endless analysis of the picks, and predictions about players who will most often turn out to be busts. Just a colossal waste of a couple of days...

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  3. How close is the bottom half of the prem? stoke were bottom 3 briefly when west ham won but that victory (which will be sending a chill wind around old Trafford a the the supposedly world class season savers were all on the pitch) properties stoke to 12th.

    I understand the Liverpool window had been boarded up and someone had nicked the telly

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  4. Well done as usual, Robbo.

    Doesn't "three-numpties-on-a-couch-talking-about-nowt" summarize a broad swath of television? Most of the rest being numpties-judging-other-numpties-doing-nowt?

    You are right about Kallstrom, though. Just what Arsenal needed. An injured midfielder. http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/26000458

    Oh, and only female mosquitoes bite. Unlike most of those male pundits you mentioned, who all suck.

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  5. agreed on the transfer window bullshit coverage Robbo - although think you're too harsh on Owen. He will make a good pundit.

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    1. Only if he can get a personality transplant.

      He'd be perfect for paint drying documentarys on the Wall Channel.

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  6. Nice one RR

    Can't stand all the hullabaloo around the January window, what a load of bollox.

    Is there a greater oxymoron in the English language then The Sun understands...."

    Not just that particular rag, you could substitute that publication with numerous other red tops or sites dedicated to bringing you horseshit, fresh, staeming, straight from the pony's jaxxy.

    Is there anyone who knows les than an ITK?

    Twitter goes haywire, rumours are plucked off it and regurgatated on so many other outlets that it somehow becomes "fact:". The guilable and hard of thinking lap it up and spew it futher.

    I see that even Phil McNumpty is geting in on this fakest of feests, with his TTD winners and losers list, what a tit. Not sure who can be classed as a winner, but the loser is anyone who bothred to read that dribble.

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    1. In the immortal words of Beck, I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

      I read it. And informative, it certainly was. I learned that, as a Chelsea fan, we neither won nor lost by selling our most beloved non-asshole and buying back someone for 4x what we sold him for. And that Mata won on behalf of United, who will now cement the little Spaniard's Brazilian dream by making it to the Champions League. And that for the next January window, I will start my own rumors, such as that Neymar's sperm will be signed for $1m each, as he will be put out to stud in future summers.

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    2. The only rumor re:Neymar that could turn out to be possibly true, is that Liverpool are interested in buying him and Ayre has made an opening bid of 50 bucks to be paid in 6 instalments.

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    3. Okay, would you guys stop using Neymar as an example? As I previously posted, every time I see that name, I think of Julie Newmar in her Catwoman suit, and then I have to...well, goddamn it, let's just say I'm gonna be late for work. :)

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  7. Who won the superbowl? Man city?

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  8. Nice to see the gelled tumbler get a taste of his own medicine last night, only ruined by the bilbao defenders inability to wink as cr7 protested his innocence. Did kinda fuck up the accumulator though
    Bisq

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  9. So Man City are lucky eh? Whereas Chelsea really deserved that 4th minute of injury time penalty against WBA. Although I'm an Arsenal fan there's a small part of me that hopes City absolutely demolish Chelsea tonight. (There is a much larger part that wants it to end 0-0 with 10 red cards a side and several season ending but not career ending injuries and Pelligrini bitch-slapping Mourinho).
    Rastafairy.

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  10. I'd like to see City absolutely stuff Chelsea tonight (sorry Bells)

    Bored with Maureen and his "mind games"*


    *constant moaning.

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    1. Yep he's getting boring now like a speak your weight machine for wind-ups. Only acceptable if funny. Have a sneaking feeling they'll get steam rollered whatever he says tho. if man city dont win wimbledon and succesfully invade syria beferr the end of the season i'll be surprised. they only seem to drop points when they are so sure of their superiority they forget to make any effort.

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  11. Top stuff Robbo. I think the "3 numpties on a couch" school started in the US, and is a product of too many sports channels. Have to admit I was totally confused by McNumpty's summary which leads to one of 3 possible conclusions:

    1. I'm a moron.
    2. McN is talking b0110cks.
    3. Both.

    3 looking favourite at the moment.

    One of Spurs' best transfer windows, I'd say. Bought no one.

    Gotta agree with Jacks on Citeh and Chelski. I know that, if Citeh win the league, they'll have bought it, but so would Chelski. And at least Citeh would have done it playing vibrant attacking football, not negative boring rubbish, like Chelski.


    Jedi

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    1. I'd love to see Mourinho bring out his 21st century, entertaining football today.

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    2. I'd like to see Spurs win the Prem, AH. Neither's gonna happen.


      Jedi

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    3. I do admit I may well be watching tonights match through my fingers armed (with a bottle of wine to keep my spirits up) but who gives a damn about entertaining football as long as the papers keep printing pictures of the Yummy One *

      * as excellent as your blogs are Robbo, and they are, maybe a picture or two could take them to the next level

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    4. Jedi, to start with I would like Spurs and Everton to draw next week. Now hopefully that is not too much to ask.

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    5. Credit where its due...perfect performance from Maureen's boys.

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  12. Having resigned myself to the fact that Bolton won't win the Premier league this season I hope City put at least 6 past Chelsea and then lose every game for the rest of the season. I hope Chelsea and Arsenal draw all remaining fixtures (except against City) and Liverpool implode as the whole trannygate episode brings a once great club to its knees. This will set up a finale weekend during which Everton pip Spurs for the title with Man U 3rd and Hammers securing the 4th Champs League spot thanks to their 15 game winning streak.

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    1. Pedant alert.

      If Arsenal beat Citeh and draw the rest of their games they'd still finish above West Ham.

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    2. oh fuck. Ok, I've run the numbers through the Trotter8 transfer window computer and we're now looking for 8 defeats for the Gunners and 7 for Chelsea please.

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    3. Attempting to draw every remaining fixture is, I believe, Mourinho's plan. Thankfully, we'll take plenty of points off other clubs due to giving away Lukaku and Mata. Far more efficient than attempting to win with attractive football.

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  13. Well done José, I knew you could do it

    Rastafairy

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  14. Well, JM got it spot on. City have been rumbled.

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    1. Yep. Looks like Spurs will win the PL then (according to "Jedi Genius Predictions (Very) Limited). No doubt Bells is still celebrating somewhere! Top work by Jose, I'd have to agree. No "19th Century football" there.

      On another note, Belgium must have one of their best ever sides.


      Jedi

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  15. Just watched the Chelsea game and hazard was indeed messiesque. They couldn't cope with the pace and quality of the Chelsea front 4. Maureen is a genius. I still think man city will win the admirals cup though.

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  16. I it was like drake vs the Armada, quick nimble skiffs darting around lumbering galleons

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  17. Like Shakespeare's Mark Anthony pellegrini should take heed of the soothsayer telling him if he fights at sea he is bound to lose

    In 9 attempts to beat Maureen he has lost 7

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  18. I'd like to see Arsenal,Spurs,Liverpool,Bolton and Port Vale all get stuffed this weekend.

    (Well,it worked for Bells,so who knows)

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    1. Won't happen.

      Arsenal are playing Liverpool.


      *Getting good at this pedantic lark ;)

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    2. The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?

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    3. You're using cocnuts....

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    4. Or even coconuts....ugh

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  19. Hah, let last night be a lesson to all of you wishing us bad things :)

    Liver and lungs took another bashing during the match but well worth it for the result and the fact it was an entertaining game of football .

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    1. Yep, that "entertaining" bit threw is all through a loop.

      Maureen actualy sort of came to play. Who knew?

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    2. Now that Chelsea have shed Mata and decided against starting Oscar, we can play attacking football...

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    3. Yep get rid of Hazard too and we'll be winning competitions that we're not even in !

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  20. too many oatcakes.

    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/stokeontrent-council-to-send-obese-residents-motivational-weight-loss-texts-9106916.html

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    1. Stoke-on-Trent council to send obese residents ‘motivational’ weight loss texts

      STOP EATING YOU FAT BASTARD!

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    2. GET UP AND DO SOMETHING LARDARSE !

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  21. Looks like Mourinho has more in common with Fergie than we initially suspected, as he uses Scottish charm to inspire the (non-title contending) team.

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/26023637

    Newcastle has become so unpronouncably French that they're no longer... aw craw, the pun doesn't work if they're joking there. Someone fix this for me.

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/26027652

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    1. Alan Shearer, who scored a record 206 goals for Newcastle before managing them for eight games in 2009, said that he was never convinced by Kinnear's role.
      "It was a strange appointment in the first place,"


      Where does this guy get his balls?

      How many points did you manage to get when you were manager of the Toon, Alan?


      More pedantic goodness;

      In the Tyne and Weird derby, Newcastle fieled three French players and four of English nationality. One of each came on as sub.

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  22. Swansea sack Laudrup?? That is so nuts it isn't funny. All that they're suffering from is the Europa League, look at Newcastle last season. Unless you have a team the size of Chelsea, you cannot do well in the Europa and the PL.
    Garry Monk is now in charge (albeit temporarily)? Footy gets crazier by the day.

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    1. Might as well hire Di Canio to save the season and set them up for relegation next year as Laudrup gets the Man City job once they don't win the title.

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  23. I was just about to ask for someone to put Fulham out of my misery.

    Then Shefield Utd grab a last minute goal.

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    1. Cheer up, Fulham fans - next up in the Prem -- Manchester United at Old Trafford! Lots of folks getting points there this season. I think there's a special on or something...

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  24. Laudrup/Pietersen...being fucking brilliant is obviously just moot enough.

    In Pietersen's case it seems everyone who had to work with the prat had just had enough of him. Pity. But on the other hand, he's not actually English.

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    1. Stafford CC,Notts,Hants,Moores,Flower,Strauss,Swann.They can't all be wrong.

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  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  26. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  27. Lots of people saying how bizarre it is that Swansea gave Laudrop the axe, maybe it is

    Yet bringing in David Ngog when you're going into a relegation scrap must be grounds for dismissal.

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    1. According to this he was angling for an exit and didnt leave them much choice, H

      http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/premier-league/michael-laudrup-sacked-manager-pays-price-for-apathy-at-sliding-swansea-city-9107725.html

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    2. it's the curse of Ngog. It hit Dalglish, Owen Coyle and Loudburp already. Even caused me a few sleepless nights.

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    3. Although the transfer window has closed, Monk could always get Ngoo on loan. Ngog and Ngoo would make a great front two. If only there was a player called Ngood...(could be either of them!)

      Spider

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    4. Sure way to get yourself into the Npower league.

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    5. My old man once pointed out a similar trio in the same match back in the 60's. Bolton had a front three of Nogood, Nobloodygood and Nofuckingood.

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    6. Good, Bloody-Good, Fucking-Good. The No brothers, right? Weren't they Korean?

      If I remember correctly, the back four were the Ly brothers: Horrendous, Shocking, Awful, and Anxious. Or were those some of Snow White's lesser-known dwarfs?

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    7. They should have followed in their Dad's footsteps. He had a doctorate in science.

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  28. I think it will stay pretty much a mystery with Laudrop.

    There was noises coming from the club that he wasn't all too happy there.
    Swansea always seemed to me a pretty well run club (with their current board) so I'm sure they didn't take the decision lightly.

    Time will tell, I suppose.

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  29. Here's a different take;

    http://www.football365.com/f365-says/9151539/Laudrup-Dismissal-Is-No-Surprise

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  30. WSC has a similar take on Laudrop's time at Swansea

    http://www.wsc.co.uk/wsc-daily/1174-february-2014/11202-laudrup-was-sacked-because-swansea-are-playing-badly

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  31. WSC has a similar take on Laudrop's time at Swansea

    http://www.wsc.co.uk/wsc-daily/1174-february-2014/11202-laudrup-was-sacked-because-swansea-are-playing-badly

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  32. Best thing I've read about the Pietersen affair, although 'nice nonentity' Ashley Giles probably won't agree... Boycott calling a spade a shovel...http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/cricket/international/england/10620661/England-let-Kevin-Pietersen-get-away-with-playing-such-stupid-shots-for-too-long.html

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  33. Adu you know what Blackpool are up to?

    http://soccer.si.com/2014/02/05/freddy-adu-plays-in-blackpools-closed-door-scrimmage/

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    1. The great American hope, or so he was deemed way back when.

      He was going to be the new Pele, but iin the end it was all Much Adu About Nothing.

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    2. So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, Adu...

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  34. A bit shocking this.

    Barcelona, the more then just a club, have decide to charge disabled fans 20 quid more then able bodied ones.

    http://www.aclfarsenal.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/mcfc1.jpg

    Surely there's a law against that?

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  35. http://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/bf3jllciuaa_grh.jpg

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  36. fuck, Blatter has pulled a fergie and changed his mind about retirement.

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  37. Big game today in the prem,Liverpool v Arsenal.

    I suppose it's tricky to take sides here AH v H2.

    How about a draw with Chelsea and City losing?

    But then City are playing No***ch? (bastards).

    Oh well,good luck to both of you.

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    1. Here's hoping for a good game.

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    2. Well it is a good game....

      If you\re a 'pool supporter.

      4-0 in the first twenty minutes, and honestly it should of been more.

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    3. In the US of A, what Liverpool is currently doing is known as...kickin' ass:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Vphj_fZ3Ew

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  38. This is truly awful.

    https://twitter.com/Fratton68/status/427110656354308096/photo/1

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    1. I think I just got a little bit sick.

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  39. Liverpool worthy winners. They played very well, completly steamrolled us in the first twenty minutes, we were never coming back from that.

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    1. it's all coming true, Hammers to pip Gooners for 4th. Bolton trotting off towards oblivion.

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  40. In the US of A, what this bobsledder did is known as... normal.

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/winter-olympics/26096612

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    1. There was also the story of the British bobsledder who discovered no car when she called for the lift at her hotel. She also shared a pic - just a dark shaft (minds out of the gutter, lads!) with some cables...

      https://twitter.com/BexGBbobsleigh/status/432082177921392640

      Then there's Shiva Keshavan, the Indian luge..ist? who trains on a wheeled sled on a steep bit of highway:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrZ_MFoWo00

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  41. So we've beaten Spurs, the Toffees and Arsenal 5-1, 4-0 and 5-1. Definitely a sign of progress. Still wildly inconsistent, hopefully not enough to lose 4th spot this season, but if we can get rid of Ayre and get someone who can sign a couple players, we could be right up there. This season of course could see us drawing 0-0 with Fulham on Wednesday.

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    1. I think your consistant enough to grab a CL spot. Your current position in the table would certainly allude to as much.

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  42. Moyes - Chosen One
    Mourinho - Special One
    Pellegrini - Tactical One
    Wenger - Five One

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  43. OOOOOONE HUNDRED

    (In memorium Sid Lowe)

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  44. The banksy off blogging strikes again....
    http://thealdershotwoes.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/gaylympics.html?m=1

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  45. Now that exra time at Old Trafford is for the visiting team to score can we class Moyes as the Anti Fergy!?

    SAVE DAVE

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  46. New Blog was up H but now it's down again!

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  47. Robbo,

    While fighting sleeplessness the other night, I flopped onto my sofa with the remote. Absent the political talks shows here in the U.S., I was left with two choices: a replay of a game at The Bridge or "The Little Mermaid" on HBO. I went back and forth, praying for slumber.

    Not sure what happened, but when I woke up there was a soft-voice in my head, singing (okay, talking) like Julio Iglesias.

    "Look at the D
    Here at Chelsea
    Life is much better
    Azpilicueta
    Good-bye, Ashley..."

    I tried to adjust my eyes to the test pattern on the TV screen. Then I realized it was an empty score sheet, prepared in advance for Eto'o and Torres.

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